Whoa, slow down there chief! What the hell are you talking about?
That’s a good question. I’m a big fan of “why” questions, and today I want to ask a few.
Why do we feel the need, as human beings, to form relationships with other human beings? That’s a very broad question, so let me limit it; why do we humans feel the need to form intimate romantic relationships?
Let’s look at the cause, first. I think we can all agree that loneliness is a key factor. Then the question becomes: Why do we humans get lonely?
I could go over the plethora of papers about human genetics, hormones, etc etc etc. I don’t care about that. I think that we as a species are at such a level of meta-humanity that we can begin to transcend something as simple as chemicals rushing through our bodies. Translation: You have a brain, so use it.
No, what I’d like to address is the thought processes behind this need to share your life with someone else. What makes you think that forming an intimate relationship will make your life better? Better yet, what makes you think that you need an intimate relationship to live a better life?
Part of it, I think, is how we are inundated with emblems of social duality throughout our adolescent and adult lives. It is a rare TV show that doesn’t have some sort of romantic relationship. Romance is everywhere. And if that is the case, are we merely trying to emulate what is socially expected?
I think that is part of it, yes, though more of an effect than the cause. I personally believe it has more to do with having someone act as a mirror for you. Despite spiraling populations, we are all so isolated. We all live in our own heads with our own thoughts. When we find someone with whom we share something in common, that validates our own thoughts and desires. This commonality brings couples together and proves to them that they’re not all raging lunatics living a massive delusion.
And sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the reflection isn’t what we want to see, even if it is the truth. Sometimes the commonalities and differences only highlight flaws in our character. In which case we can either believe what we see, or not. There is always an opportunity to learn.
Knowing who you are and where you are in life requires a lot of faith in yourself and your own deductive faculties. I think intimate relationships tend to lessen the amount of personal faith required to get from point A (the abyss) and point B (enlightenment). The catch 22 is that, in many cases, the only way you can truly get the most out of a relationship is to have equal faith (and trust, for that matter) in someone else to be by your side through thick or thin. In addition to equal–if not greater–faith and trust in yourself.
Granted, I’m probably full of crap. But this is a subject that’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I feel it is a topic that applies to just about anyone. Of course, whether or not anyone derives wisdom from this block of discourse is entirely circumstantial.
:-)
-Russ
