Of Revolution… And Hope.

We choose to be divided.

Borders, walls, the masks upon which we rely day after day.  We are so afraid of what lies beneath–what will happen when we cut down our walls and become vulnerable–that we have lost ourselves in distraction, division and indecisiveness.  Television keeps us placated, alcohol sooths our tortured souls, and when we dig through the lies, hate and deceit, one could only fathom that we would glimpse at the bottom of our own Pandora’s Box the fading shimmer of hope.  It is this hope upon which I rely; hope for the future, hope for today, and hope that rather than shunning our differences, we may grow stronger by them.

It is the great diversity of Humanity that lends us strength, that keeps us cohesive.  That inspires and enriches our lives and the lives of so many around us.  It is through difference that we learn, that we grow, that we survive.  The human mind cannot learn without a model upon which to draw comparison.  We cannot move beyond ourselves without the mirror provided by our peers.  It is ironic, then, that these very differences are what seemingly fuel our division.

Or do they?  I’m not so sure.  I think what has really happened is we have lost our spirit, and in doing so, turned traitor to the one thing that makes us and our society unique.  Look at the animal kingdom; you see personality, perhaps, but do you see individuality?  Diversity, yes, but none such as the Human species.  Our minds are capable of such grandeur, so subtle our art, so melodious our music.  We go through our lives with one goal:  to be unique.  To be the best person we can.  It’s not just simply about survival.  It’s about expressing the core of our soul.

No, I say our diversity cannot be the source of the pain of our Human experience.  Diversity does not cause war.  Difference does not murder, it does not oppress, it does not ask us to be what we are not.

Insecurity, indifference, ignorance; these are the things that fuel the fright so far within those who would support such unthinkable acts as war, genocide, and bigotry.  So I ask of you this:

The next time you watch the news and hear about the latest murder, or war, or rape, rather than committing judgment against those who have wronged, turn that judgment inward.  Ask yourself who you are.  Grasp onto the hope and realize that only you have control over making your life, and the lives of those around you, better.  I promise you… buried within your pain is hope.  But you must tear down your walls and feel this pain before you can set your heart free.  You must embrace your own difference before you can realize your purpose.

And in doing so, Humanity will be one soul closer to true freedom.

Trust

In keeping with my series on core concepts of human existence, this following piece is about trust.

Most people go through life without the foggiest idea of what real trust is about.

There are so many aspects, so my facets to trust, it’s as though you’re trying to read a book through a prism.  All you see are colors, patterns in the glass.  So, trust is a very tricky thing.

Trust is, to put it simply, voluntary vulnerability.  It’s the tearing down of walls.  To trust means to put ourselves at risk, be it from physical harm or otherwise.  We all go through our lives wearing masks to keep the outside world from encroaching on what makes us, well, us.  We hide from ridicule, from the pain caused by those who do not understand us (and, in many cases, themselves).  Our emotions become numb, restricted.

To be able to place trust in others, we must first trust ourselves.  How do we do that?  Well, first you need to spend some time thinking about what makes you who you are.  This is not easy.  It is terminally convenient to get caught up in what other people want you to be.  Here are some things to try:

• Think about what motivates you.  What do you want to do for the world?  What do want from the world?
• Reflect on your friends, because they are a reflection of you.
• Spend time on what has, historically, given you joy.
• If you have difficulty trusting yourself, then trust in your own mistrust of yourself.  You have to start somewhere!
• Forgive those who may have slighted you.
• Meditate on your faults.  Pick one and give it your undivided focus.

This last point is key.  As you examine these faults, you will see that many of them are really nothing at all.  They may be invented by your mind as a way to hinder you, to hold you back from the gaze of those who would judge you adversely.  They may be something you were told repeatedly growing up.  What you must realize is that the more you tell yourself “I cannot”, the more it becomes reality.  Don’t run from your dreams!  Embrace them!  Spend time on the how of your life, rather than the why, and you will see that things fall into place.  You must trust yourself, you must trust your motivations.

Then you can begin to trust others.  By trusting yourself, hurtful words will fall away as though you’re wearing teflon armor.  You will shed yourself of people who do not accept you as you are.

You will be vulnerable in the best sort of way:  you will be open to the love and kindness of those who place their trust in you.  Because that’s what real trust is.

Having faith.

-Russ

On Honesty

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this topic for the last few days. It’s difficult to talk about without sounding like a pretentious ass, but I’m going to try to be honest (gasp!) and convey my thoughts.

Far too few people are truly honest.  Why is that?  Or, a better question: why should they be?

The cost to benefit ratio of being a lying sack of untruth, on the surface, is very appealing.  If you can keep up the charade for long enough, you suffer no adverse affect.   At least, this is assuming someone who is completely amoral.  I’m not talking about those people today, because, realistically, the vast majority of people want to do the right thing.

When we look at the real cost, it is completely personal.  The cost is guilt, anxiety, and depression.  I think we’ve all faced those emotions after lying to someone we care about.  In many cases they force us to come clean and tell the truth.  In other cases the truth is never told, and these emotions eat away at us… they devour us and lead us down a road that is difficult to tread.

Be it a lie of omission or outright deception, such deviation from the truth begs the question: why would one do such a thing?  To save face?  To keep from hurting someone else’s feelings?   For a physical gain of some kind?

I firmly believe that the truth is intrinsic in all things, and the more we try to cover it up, the more it will blow up in our faces.   Why would someone want to wade through feelings of guilt and remorse and then have the truth come out anyway?  Why not just tell the truth in the first place?   Sometimes we are trying to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, so we carry the burden of guilt to save them pain.

But this is the wrong sort of thinking.  This is being disingenuous to ourselves and shows little respect for the right the other person has to the truth.  After all, if they find out later on that you lied to them, aren’t they going to be more hurt than they would have been if you’d told them the truth from the beginning?  Not only do they feel the pain that was being hidden from them, but they also have the added pain of knowing you didn’t respect and trust them enough to be honest.  It’s as though you’re making the decision for them.

Honesty is a matter of freedom.  When we lie to others, regardless of the reason, we’re taking away their right to choose how they want to react.  We’re assuming that we know better how to handle the situation, the truth, than they do.  And this thinking is wrong.

Everyone must make their own decisions.  Everyone must carry their own burden of truth.  While I try to be as honest as possible in my day to day life, sometimes it is difficult.  Sometimes the emotion is too great, the pain too hot.  Sometimes the words come out before my mind has had a chance to properly assess the situation.  On some level, maybe deception is an ingrained survival instinct.

Even taking these things into account, I find that simply making an effort to be open and honest has greatly improved my life.  Sure, there are times when I get burned by being honest, by sharing my feelings.  But at least I can say that I told the truth, that I was honest, that I wasn’t trying to hide anything.  Some would call this the moral high-ground.

I call it the only logical course of action.

-Russ

Dealing with Depression and Anxiety

Let’s face it; we all get depressed at some point in our lives.  Stress from work, our education, interpersonal relationships–these things all add up and start to drag us down.  The things we used to enjoy are no longer interesting.  All we want to do is sleep.  Or we can’t sleep.

The Western way of dealing with these situations seems to be to dump pill after pill down our throats.  Specifically, Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs).  With the exception of some very rare cases, I think SSRIs are a crock of shit.  No, I’m not a doctor (and I sometimes wonder about the quality of education most psychiatrists have to experience before getting their license).  I’m just asking what we did before we had these magic little happy pills.

Was everyone just… depressed?  If you go by the massive profits being reaped by the major drug companies, you’d think so.  Of course, you’d also think that everyone had Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), too.

Pills aren’t the answer (at least for the vast majority of people).

Supportive friends, meditation, psychotherapy–these are the answer.  Talking about how you feel with someone who cares about you is the answer.  Start writing a journal.  Go exercise.  Do something.  It may be harder to be motivated depending on the level of depression (I’m speaking from experience); however, it only takes one thought to break free and move towards happiness.  As cliche as it sounds, “I Can“, even once, can begin to pull you out of that rut.

Depressed about your job?  Get a new one.  Depressed about your relationship?  Get a new one.  Depressed because you think you’re fat?  Go exercise.  Yes, I sound harsh, and that’s because I am.  We live in such a wussified society that everyone expects to take the easy way out.  All the time.  You think your life is hard?  Compare it to an Iraqi’s life in Baghdad.  I’m sure the Iraqi would be glad to trade your depression for his life of dodging suicide bombers.

If you deal with the root cause behind your depression (which I feel is typically environmental, not physical), then you will no longer have to treat the symptoms.

Reflect.  Think about what is making you so damned sad.  And then do something about it.  It doesn’t have to be anything big, as long as you’re taking that first step.

-Russ

The Art of Happiness

No, this is not about the book authored by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler (though you will find much valuable advice in said book).   Also, this is advice only.  I hold no relevent degree, and your mileage may vary.  Etc etc etc.  And so on.  This post is as much for me as it is for my readers.

It has recently come to my attention, mostly through externally initiated self-reflection, that there are many aspects of my life that require scrutiny.  Rather than detail them, effectively transforming this into a Emo post, I want to talk about the concept self improvement itself.

Most folks in Western society think about self improvement at some point in their lives.  Take a walk down the Self Help section of Borders or B&N if you need proof.  I don’t think you need that crap; really, I think you only need a few things to improve your life.

1) The ability to self reflect.  This is not as easy as it sounds; more later.

2) The desire to change.  This is also not as obvious as it sounds.

3) People with whom you can interact.

Let us examine #1: Who here knows how to self-reflect?  I’m not talking about the typical internal monologues… such as “I bought groceries today” or “TV sucks since the writers’ strike”.  I’m talking about being able to identify the key traits that make up who you are.

So few people truly know what it means to be themselves that they spend their entire lives living a lie.  They live the way their parents, their siblings, their life-partners think they should.  They live for the expectations of others because they don’t know who they are and what they want.  I can’t blame them because I’m one of them.  It is difficult to figure out who you are.  J. Krisnamurti wrote an entire book on self discovery and how hard it is to break through your own false expectations of who you are and what you want.  For example, when one tells you to “Be yourself”, and you follow suit, you’re actually trying to be what you think you want to be.  You’re no more that ideological template than a fig tree is a sledgehammer.

Instead, examine what you want out of life.  Think on the things that make you happy.  Do you enjoy writing?  Golfing?  Playing video games?  Helping others?  Are you sure these things make you genuinely happy?

A better question is:  “Can you be happy–euphoric even–all by yourself, in a blank white room, with no stimulation whatsoever?”  Can you claim happiness as a state of mind?

On #2: I can’t fathom how many times I and all of my friends have told me how much they really wanted to do something with their lives, but did not follow through.  The key is not how much you want something, but how much you want to put in the effort to achieve the desired goal.  For example, I would like to be a millionaire; I would not like to put forth the effort to become one.

Ask yourself what you want, and then ask yourself what you’re willing to sacrifice to get it.  If you want to be a “better person”, what steps are you going to take?  What are you willing to trade?  I feel that the more you are willing to sacrifice, the more you truly want whatever it is you want.

Finally, #3 :  You should not have to approach this alone.  Real change is not easy, nor is it instantaneous.  True friends will help you along the way.  Just be wary of becoming dependent upon their help.  As Smokey the Bear once said, “Only you can help prevent forest fires!”

-Russ