On Honesty

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this topic for the last few days. It’s difficult to talk about without sounding like a pretentious ass, but I’m going to try to be honest (gasp!) and convey my thoughts.

Far too few people are truly honest.  Why is that?  Or, a better question: why should they be?

The cost to benefit ratio of being a lying sack of untruth, on the surface, is very appealing.  If you can keep up the charade for long enough, you suffer no adverse affect.   At least, this is assuming someone who is completely amoral.  I’m not talking about those people today, because, realistically, the vast majority of people want to do the right thing.

When we look at the real cost, it is completely personal.  The cost is guilt, anxiety, and depression.  I think we’ve all faced those emotions after lying to someone we care about.  In many cases they force us to come clean and tell the truth.  In other cases the truth is never told, and these emotions eat away at us… they devour us and lead us down a road that is difficult to tread.

Be it a lie of omission or outright deception, such deviation from the truth begs the question: why would one do such a thing?  To save face?  To keep from hurting someone else’s feelings?   For a physical gain of some kind?

I firmly believe that the truth is intrinsic in all things, and the more we try to cover it up, the more it will blow up in our faces.   Why would someone want to wade through feelings of guilt and remorse and then have the truth come out anyway?  Why not just tell the truth in the first place?   Sometimes we are trying to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, so we carry the burden of guilt to save them pain.

But this is the wrong sort of thinking.  This is being disingenuous to ourselves and shows little respect for the right the other person has to the truth.  After all, if they find out later on that you lied to them, aren’t they going to be more hurt than they would have been if you’d told them the truth from the beginning?  Not only do they feel the pain that was being hidden from them, but they also have the added pain of knowing you didn’t respect and trust them enough to be honest.  It’s as though you’re making the decision for them.

Honesty is a matter of freedom.  When we lie to others, regardless of the reason, we’re taking away their right to choose how they want to react.  We’re assuming that we know better how to handle the situation, the truth, than they do.  And this thinking is wrong.

Everyone must make their own decisions.  Everyone must carry their own burden of truth.  While I try to be as honest as possible in my day to day life, sometimes it is difficult.  Sometimes the emotion is too great, the pain too hot.  Sometimes the words come out before my mind has had a chance to properly assess the situation.  On some level, maybe deception is an ingrained survival instinct.

Even taking these things into account, I find that simply making an effort to be open and honest has greatly improved my life.  Sure, there are times when I get burned by being honest, by sharing my feelings.  But at least I can say that I told the truth, that I was honest, that I wasn’t trying to hide anything.  Some would call this the moral high-ground.

I call it the only logical course of action.

-Russ